This whole dating scene as an older adult is awkward and
intimidating and sometimes, not very much fun. It's almost intimidating enough to make me want to stay home alone with Miss Kitty and my books. Of course, that's one good thing about
marriage … you don’t have to date (yeah, I know, some of you still do, but
that’s a topic for another day).
There’s a different feel to the whole game now. When I was young,
it was “in” to go to single’s bars, like “clubbing” is today, I think. It was
THE thing to do: get all dressed up, grab a few friends, go drink and dance at
very loud places … see and be seen. It was fun, it was exciting, and it
was never serious. Few people ever scored a big romance let alone a marriage
partner from this scene, but then again, no one I knew really expected to find
that someone who would be special for a lifetime. We all just hoped to find
someone who would be special for a weekend. Well, maybe some people lied to
themselves about their intention, but I don’t have that ability. I calls ‘em as
I sees ‘em.
It’s the same game for the single-over-50-crowd today, except we
now have the Internet to help us. We have “meet-ups” and speed dating and a
huge variety of online dating sites, all geared to help us connect with each
other. We seem to need these, otherwise the danger is we might all just stay at
home with our computers and our Kindle’s and our TV’s.
We don’t take chances because we’re all grown up now, and we don’t
have the luxury of time. We no longer have a “no sex on the first date,” rule,
but we do have a “safe sex” rule. We don’t worry about getting pregnant, but we
do worry about disease. We don’t go on a discovery mission to find out who
someone really is, we check credit scores and criminal history. We have all
these magnificent tools to help us connect with a person appropriate for us,
someone who’s been pre-screened and vetted and found to be in harmony with our
deepest core values. Apparently, this is what passes for romance
nowadays.
Are all those tools really all that
precise? I don’t think so. I dated someone recently ... and briefly ... I
really thought he would be interesting. He was
charming and handsome and popular with the ladies. It
didn't last long—my interest in him dropped sharply the moment he first stepped
into my living room. He looked around at all my books, stacked lovingly
into neat piles with Miss Kitty sleeping next to one pile, and asked, “Just how smart do I have to be?” I asked him what
he meant and he replied, “I haven’t read a book in years. I don’t really need
to; I learn all I need from watching people and watching TV.”
Fail. Epic fail.
He didn’t get a chance to use his charm and good looks past the
living room, because, really, as it turns out, for what he was offering, I’d
rather stay home alone and read a book.
How smart does a guy have to be? Well, if you have to ask ….
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